Today my boyfriend left with his family to go on a Florida beach vacation. I call him my boyfriend but he is more like my life partner and damn near husband. We have been together for 6 years, and have lived together for 5 years. We moved in with his mother because she is getting old and ill and he has to take care of her. He has congential heart disease and a few other health issues that allow us not to get married until I have a good stable job with amazing health insurance. He is on his mother's plan still because they provide top notch care for him and if we marry, he will lose that and be stuck with my current crappy insurance plan. Love story aside.
I have work all week and his family just took a big vacation from New Orleans, LA (where we live) to the lovely beaches of Florida. He is a skinny and good looking guy. Only god knows why he chose a fat bitch like me over any of the hotter skinnier girls out there, but I guess love is blind, but lust isn't. I know he lusts after skinner girls and deep down inside he wishes I was skinny. I'm working on it. I couldn't go with them this year for two reasons. The first reason is because I have work. I could have taken off, but it would take up my vacation time and I am also getting ready to move out and go back to college in the next two weeks, so time is valuable at the moment. But the biggest reason is, it is the beach and I am a fucking whale. Who wants to be a well over 200 pound girl in a one piece bathing suit, covered so that no one can see how fat I am, surrounded by these 100 pound girls in bikinis that are oogling over my boyfriend?!
So he is gone from Sunday til Wednesday. That gives me four days on my own and four days to lose as much weight as I can. Yesterday I did good, I only ate a handful of cheerios and some miso soup, drank plenty of water, and did some yoga. He left this morning and I am all alone in my house. No food to temp me and no spare money to binge on food either. It's going to be a four day fast. But it is only day one and I although I do not fell hungry and I'm not craving anything yet, my stomach is empty and I can feel it rumbling. My brain is telling me to eat, but I really don't want to. Today is also my day off, so I am trying to focus as much as I can on other things and I have been living on PT for the past two days. I can be strong. I can have control. I won't let food come between me and the person I want to become. Please, help me be strong.
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